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Relative Injuries
September 8, 2004
by George Rolph

There is a constant cry from the abuse industry that many hear and instantly believe unthinkingly, but should they?

The cry is, "In domestic violence cases more women suffer serious injury than men do and more women die."

I have a real problem with this view for several reasons. Without wanting to minimise the injuries women suffer in any way, I do want to widen this area and look at it more objectively.

I have long argued that the term "injury" is a relative term. The reason I argue this is because, according to the abuse industry, physical injury is an absolute unless, they wish to talk about emotional abuse in a different context. However, the abuse industry only talks about physical abuse as an absolute when it is discussing the physical abuse of women. Furthermore, it only discusses emotional abuse whenever it wants to broaden the definition of abuse against women. Both stances are dishonest.

The physical abuse of another will leave visible marks and scars that can be photographed and put onto TV screens and posters to shock us all into giving even more money to the abuse industry. OK. It's manipulative, but fine. I will go along with that. What I will not go along with, is the idea than men suffer less because women suffer more bruises on account of the fact that men are often bigger and stronger. This is why I say that the term "injuries" is a relative term.

If a man abuses a women and say, breaks her jaw, we are all agreed that this is terrible. He needs treatment and locking up for his crime. But to then say, (or imply) that all those men out there who are being abused at home should not get help because she can't hit hard enough to break his jaw, is just outrageous. With modern medical aid, in a few months, all sign that her jaw was ever broken will be gone. For the male abuse victim, his pain may go on for years and years and indeed, he may never recover.

Consider this scenario:

A man is living with an abusive spouse and they have two young kids. Every day she subjects him to ever increasing amounts of control. She uses shame like a battering ram that breaks down his self belief and confidence. She nags him constantly and at the top of her voice. She showers him with insults and assaults. She pours scorn on every one of his attempts to provide for the family. When he works longer hours she accuses him of neglecting his family. If he does not work the long hours she accuses him of not making enough money to help the family. She criticises everything, from the way he dresses to the programs he watches on the TV. She refuses to let him have time alone with his buddies and is obsessively jealous of his female friends. She makes ever increasing demands on his time and then says he is not doing enough for her. She tells his children that "daddy doesn't love us" and poisons their minds against him. If he gets angry at this treatment she calls it abusing her. If he remains quiet she calls him a wimp. She ridicules him in front of friends and hates his parents and insists he has nothing to do with them.

All of this and much more, goes on for years and years. He does not want to leave her because he knows he will not likely get custody of the children and the judges and lawyers will believe any story she comes up with because, she is a good actress and because, as soon as a female cries, everyone believes her anyway. He has no refuge to run to with the kids so he can't take them away from her dangerous influence. However, one day he can't take it any more. He leaves her behind and moves away.

Now her ire is really firing on all cylinders. Furious that her victim has made an independent decision (and all abusers thrive on control so independence is something they loathe in their victims) she decides to, "go after him" and, "make him pay."

The false accusations begin.

"He raped me officer."

"He tried to molest my daughter officer."

"He beat me officer."

This mans pain is only just beginning. He hopes and prays the justice system will be fair and impartial. He quickly finds it is anything but. He is robbed blind in the divorce courts. He is denied contact with the children in the family courts because he may, "be a danger to the children" as a result of these (unproven and malicious) allegations. He watches as she poisons the children's love for him. His earnings are destroyed by unrealistic and cruel maintenance payments. Word gets out that he may be a rapist, a child molester and a domestic abuse felon and he loses his job.

Now, tell me. Whose pain lasts longest and who has been abused the most; the women with the broken jaw who is this months poster lady, or the man whose whole life has been destroyed?

The term "injury" is relative but the abuse industry never uses it that way. I submit that is because the abuse industry is more concerned with revenge than it is about abuse. Large parts of the abuse industry are in existence to abuse men. If that were not so, would they not be equally disgusted with the abuse of men as they seem to be over the abuse of women?

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