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Warning: this is a parody document.
Warning: this is a parody document.
Men, If you think that family law needs changing and male victims of domestic violence are not getting justice please state in three words, or less, what you think should be done about it.
Women, If you think that family law needs changing and male victims of domestic violence are not getting justice please state, in as many words as you wish, why you disagree and what you think should not be done about it.
Men write here: .... Comments must be kept on the dotted line. Do not add more dots!
Men should place their comments in an envelope and have the letter delivered by helicopter (Any other means of delivery will result in your comments being shredded and not taken into account) to the address below. Rest assured that the government is deeply interested in what you have to say. Alternatively, you could try the tea and biscuits with the politicians approach. This has been used successfully by successive governments over 30 years and is favoured by MP`s -- particularly the hard of hearing MP`s at Westminster -- as it means they do not actually have to do any work to change things and they can get on with making money by having their law firms represent estranged fathers in courts and appointing themselves to various lucrative boards.
Females should write in any way they wish and may send in their comments in any form they like (including freepost) and may rest assured that we will listen to every word and act on them instantly. Female abusers are welcome to give us their suggestions in total secrecy and without fear of prosecution. Suspected male abusers will be vilified and jailed without trial. Male victims (sic) hiding as perpetrators will be tarred and feathered publicly. No proof will be necessary so think carefully before proceeding.
NB: Any female perpetrator accidentally prosecuted and sent to prison accidentally by a jury who thinks (accidentally) they are guilty will be given free booklets entitled, "Play the abusive dead husband card, stupid." And, "Crying in court: A woman's guide to wringing sympathy from tame judges in the appeal court." This booklet will aid release and all convictions shall be quashed within weeks of incarceration. If you feel you cannot go through with this do not worry. A lawyer will be appointed to lie for you. Further initiatives include, getting a reward for your murder from the prime ministers wife and automatic custody of your children. New housing may be offered in some cases. A free video entitled, "How to train your kids to abuse men" will be placed in the lobby of your new home.
Fathers wishing to see children will be mocked and any attempt to go to court to secure their rights will result ONLY in reduced contact. (Helpful leaflets will be available for those fathers contemplating suicide. These are complete with full colour photographs and diagrams explaining the best way to achieve a suicide bid. It explains how the State will raise your children and turn them against fathers and men in particular. This is done to aid the onset of depression. This helpful leaflet has been produced by the British Home Office and the Minister for women. It is available for free to Women's Aid and Refuge and at a cost of £44,000 to men. Price subject to change on a whim.) A free men's video guide to prison food entitled, "So you think you are capable of loving children?" Will be given to any man contemplating seeing children outside of the allotted 4 hours per year given him by Lord Justice Thorp or another illuminary of the family court system. This video has been produced by Cafcass in conjunction with Harriet Harman and Rosie Winterton and contains detailed threats.
False statistics and a helpful guide for Women's Groups entitled, " How to promote propaganda and mislead the public and press." Is available free of charge at any MP`s weekly constituent surgery or from the Home Office Publications Department. Male groups can get a free leaflet entitled, "We are gonna screw you, sucker." from the same address.
Send your response to:
Office Gender Neutral Studies and Policy Group
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